I think I have been mostly silent for...a month or two. I can't think of anything to say, and for the most part, I don't WANT to say anything. I feel completely blank. I'm just absorbing others' thoughts..I have none of my own to add. I don't even like this much..there's simply no way around it. I feel like a camera, recording recording recording. Sometimes you talk directly to it or ask it something or wave at it or say, "Hi, Mom!" but you know it's never going to say anything back. '"Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn?" she inquired. "Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause in a roomful of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're all alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful, if you listen carefully."' - The Soundkeeper, in 'The Phantom Tollbooth'
All right, this is something that's been bothering me for a good long while. When did silence become a forbidden thing in society? I think silence between people can be a beautiful thing. I've seen and felt things communicated by people's hands, or eyes, or the shape of their mouths, or other forms of body language, things that couldn't have been expressed nearly as well with spoken words. But there seems to be some kind of unspoken social rule everywhere that says, "You must talk." Most people I know, including me sometimes, just can't handle people who choose not to speak. There's some part of the human mind that makes it very awkward and uncomfortable around a quiet person. And I'm completely stumped on how to deal with it, speaking as a quiet person who's usually uncomfortable around other quiet people. Are we all so speech-centered that we've forgotten to communicate in other ways? Am I making any sense? Am I whining? Should I just shut up and learn how to speak more often? Heh, read that last sentence a few times and try to make sense of it. Seriously, though, any experiences? Thoughts? Advice? Mitchell Let me just say that I highly recommend silence whenever it is good and wholesome, which is far mor often than most people seem to realize.Be not afraid of the silence, and it will enter you and fill your life with quiet moments of bleesed perfection.. --Chris Black Conversation is a skill more people need to learn.... seriously, people who cannot make conversation bug me... how else am I supposed to get to know them? Body language is great between close friends or as an extra signal with people you don't know, but its not the basis for a friendship... it can't be. Learn to converse! One of the things for me on this was going into IRC rooms (long before I heard of the nbtsc IRC server) and talking there with strangers... I learned what questions to ask to get people talking, and how to take an interest in what they're saying... I learned to watch for what things really annoy me, what things interest me about others... how to tell things about myself, and basically how to have a conversation with strangers. Not meaning to brag, but hey, I've gone to college now and that ability has come in really, really handy. It doesn't matter really how nice a person is... there's a point where the ability to converse becomes a key in getting to know them, and if they don't have that ability, its not going to happen. More thoughts, but see the page... SocialThings. - Christy * I don't think the answer to silence is always "Learn to converse!" I think silence is a necessary part of communication. It allows one to focus on a persons' body language and facial emotions more. It is good punctuation. That is, it balances the conversation. There is time to really think about what has been said, what the person meant and what you think, what you really mean. Sometimes, there is just nothing to say. I have met people who are very uncomfortable with this statement. They think it means there is nothing. Nothing in a person's mind. Nothing in general. Of course not! When I feel that there is nothing to say, it is because what could be communicated with words is being perfectly communicated through silence, or that the moment doesn't need to be communicated /right now/, that we get more out of it by just /feeling/ it. /Carrie/ --- Silence... Silence can be wonderful, but it can also make me uncomfortable. A comfortable peaceful powerful silence can be more power then any words ever spoken.. often my favorite part of my weekly dance is the few minutes of silence afterwards, holding hands in a circle around flames.
love, Dawn * Ari makes a shrugging motion, then silently looks pensive for a moment before answering. Actually, yes, silence is underrated. Our society is afraid of it, in a lot of ways, not just in quiet people. Many people play music twenty-four hours a day[1], and look nervous when there's no background noise. It feels unhealthy to me, to be in noise all the time. (Cities bug me for this reason... there's always noise)... People are afraid of being themselves, or at least realizing who they are and it's much easier to confront that without the distraction of noise. Similarly, I think people aren't willing to communicate non-verbally because of similar things. . . one has to pay too much attention. It's easier to ignore who someone is when you don't have to look at them to speak. If someone is silent, you have to make eye contact, involve your body to speak or communicate at all. Especially in this time when people are so insecure about their bodies, that's a big commitment to make. It's been interesting moving from a long-distance relationship with Robyn to a close one; A huge part of our relationship revolved around having stuff to discuss. At the least, we had the ability to whine about not being close. Now that we live less than a mile apart, and we've dealt with the major issues of our relationship, there's less to talk about and occasionally, there's silence. At first, it was uncomfortable, but now, as we know easch other better, it's less uncomfortable, since we can communicate with body language and the like, as well as being comfortable with whatever the other does, including not speaking at all. That's my early morning ramble (Ari) I think you are right, there is/should be nothing wrong with silence, it is nice to be able to spend time with someone, and not have to say anything to them, becaue you feel uncomfertable by the silence, and that it is a good sign of how comfertable with someone you are. I have also found that by not talking all the time, and being loud, that when you do say something, that people sometimes really listen to you. so in my eyes, as long as what you are doing makes you happy, you have no reson to change. Ryland Listening to the sound... of silence... Why must I be labeled unhappy because I do not prefer to fill my life with meanlingless chatter and meanlingless noise? I enjoy being alone, where silence is my only friend. Silence is the best friend that I have ever had. Silence does not betray or hurt me. It is not demanding. And most of all, it is always there for me and not too busy with something else.
I am one of Fuzzhead's "friends." I know I'm not supposed to be writing things here, but I felt that I needed to in this case. What sort of thoughts would you like to hear about, Carrie? That is, if you are still interested.
Hmmm. Unfortunately, this is the place to only talk of silence... so I will write such under TruthfulThoughts ~Silence is a beautiful sound~ Wow, I think this finally shows the reason I don't like talking on the phone so much. I only call people when I need information about something, or something closely related to that. Because the phone is for talking, and often I feel...so balanced (I guess) that I don't feel the need to say anything. The thing about chatting on IRC is you can say something when you want to and there isn't much noise, and if you want to, you don't have to say anything at all (it isn't constantly expected there). I have an easy time being silent with someone (sometimes depends on who though). I rarely feel like I need to explain myself or things around me, but I do, of course, when people ask. But talking and yelling and that sort of exciting fun always has it's place ;) -Erin Wonder if what I am is going to say is directly related? Noooo, but indirectly... I recently found a picture of a Buddhist nun. In the picture, her head was held back in laughter, her face glowed from a life of introspection and and...extrospection (a new word, I believe). Her head was shaved of course, and her form barely defined the yards of fabric she wore. What struck me were her hands: they were resting in her lap, completely relaxed. I don't think I had ever seen such relaxed hands! I was slightly jealous of those hands. Of the person who was inhabiting those hands to be so relaxed. I like silence. Alot. But I want to be comfortable with everything else that appears to be nothing. This is what I used to think silence was, a looong time ago. Then it became a sound unto itself. And silence came to mean: "sitting down with nobody else around (or very quiet people) and waiting until I recognize what sounds are occurring." It's like peeling an onion: there is always another layer. I hope that interests some people in silence. Carrie "why are you so petrified of Silence? here can ya handle this....." -Alanis Morrissette [1] No wonder the recorded music industry is richer than the perfoming music industry... But silence is what is keeping me from accepting what happened. I'm scared. I was raped. And he keeps calling me at work. I know he's going to come back. It's only a matter of time. I don't want any of it to be true, so I don't say anything to anyone. I remain silent. And when I have a flashback at work, I tell my co-workers that I'm alright. I'm just tired. The silence is so painful. I don't know how to get through it.
Silence- the Elixer of the Gods. Ok- I was raised Quaker, and now if I go more than two or three weeks without spending a good chunk of time in silence with other people, I start to feel unbalanced. I agree that somtimes in a conversation it can be un-nerving, but for the most part I think a conversation without silence is stupid and boring, because it means people aren't taking time to think. Thats also why I think I have a harder time conversing in large groups, because by the time I have thoughtabout what was said, the conversation has taken a new twist and my comment or thought is no longer relevant. And when taken to the next deeper level- silence communicates vast amounts- I think several people above alluded to the body language that goes opn between two people who are in the state most commonly refered to as "In Love" -a conection where words don't seem as nescesary. But don't try to have such a relationship totally without words because I don't think that will work for very long at all, before missunderstandings come out of it. Lorin I've always been comfortable with silence when I'm alone. Late night silence especially... the silence of being home alone... It makes me feel so centered, I think because of all the time I've spent in that kind of silence completely absorbed in whatever I happen to be doing. I think I pretty much need that silence every once in a while, when I'm around people too much, I just close off. Get a book and just go deaf to the world for an hour or so. When I used to have a friend or two over for the day we'd talk and play for a little while, then each choose a book and read for a while. Then I stopped inviting friends over... It seemed, and seems kind of pointless to read together, unless you're reading something that's also good to discuss and share. Phone conversations... I don't like being silent during phone conversations. I really don't see any point in it. You're just wasting it. I just can't feel any presence through a phone, it just exists for talking. Writing with someone else is wonderful. Sometimes I think writing is the most alone you can get. There's only you and whatever you're writing with. But with someone else there, it just opens you up. I love sitting with a bunch of people and writing... someone always says "What's a good way to say....." and then people read bits of their writing. It's such a communal feeling, and at the same time a very unique feeling, doing the same thing at the same time and coming up with completely different stuff. And then discussing it... I guess I like silence most when it's not just silent. When there's a comfortable amount of silence and a comfortable amount of talking. When I don't feel constrained to talk or to be silence. I hatehatehate being silent because I can't think the 'right' thing to say, or because I'm afraid of something. I think I'd like to spend more time being silent and communicating with people. I wish I'd done the eye thingy, whatever it was at camp... I'd like to spend more time just being with people, not talking, but still feeling connected to them. Ok, enough rambling now I think. We always talk but we never speak. I wish I had more silence in my life. Real silence... very healing, very comfortable. My own words get crowd my mind, confusing me and annoying others. Other people's words are inconsistant with body language and desires and throw me off-balance. I like being alone with my own thoughts. I like writing, especially... writing with other people. Communal silence. The silence of concentration in a group, striving to create a similiar goal. My mind is never silent. I wish it would shut up sometimes. I wish I would shut up, period. .... but if I do, I may disappear.
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