Take your friends (or yourself) out of context with "Don't Quote That"! .... or put your favorite quotes in the FavoriteQuotes file.....plus the Gennie and Nick space! (at the bottom) [1] And for all you lame people who use irc too much (me being one of them often...) heres an IRCDontQouteThat ... "Your Wish has been granted!!!!...there'll be a small fee for that." ~Rosie Emma's Dad: "Push it around?! How would you like it if someone pushed you around?" Emma's Mom: "Well, if I was covered in chocolate, maybe I wouldn't mind." "You can't have a boyfriend on Shippy's crush!" -Kate "I'm not clueless, I just don't want any action." -Brent "Things must get pretty darn interesting on Waldron." ~Rosie "I am surely god's gift to women." ~Rosie "I am Shirley, god's gift to women." ~Elizabeth "Wait a minute..." ~Rosie "I don't do cow." ~one of Rosie's coworkers "I didnt want to get squashed by a cow!"-British farm safty video they made Dawn watch "MEN!"-Janet (Dawns employer) "woah...the ocean never stops moving, does it? i wonder if it gets tired..." samara, very very late at night. "there are too many bodily functions going on in here!" nate (Buzzy covers her mouth) "I'm covering my mouth so you won't remember who I am." -Buzzy "Have you breathed today?" -Heather Isaac:awww man.. i feel as clueless as jay... Jay: wha? -isaac v "I'm not sure whether we're getting pleasantly heretical or dangerously biblical." -Elizabeth R. "Curb consumerism! Kill a christmas shopper!" -Elizabeth R. driving by a crowded mall "Spend for Christ!" -Elizabeth, same scene Exchange between Tessa and her mother: "Do you eat noodles with chopsticks?" "No." "Do you own more than one fork?" "I wish there were more days in these hours" -Tessaa "Gun control is being able to accurately hit your target" -the Whitworth girls' father "I should have let you put your pants on." - marina to roya "We all have our little rolls. - marina, who meant to type roles "Marina's buns are the sweetest." -Roya Alyson: "I'm sick of it...I'm just so sick of it" Erin: "sick of what?" Alyson: "All those dimpled ballots!" "I'm sick of spending Amarican money to do Canadian things . . . like hang out". - Shippy ""Up yours" is not a political philosophy." - Emma's Grampa! Summer: I never say anything funny / Summer's mom: *hysterical laughter* "My mom will come in and ask why there's a bra on the floor and I'll be like... 'geez mom, are you clueless?!'" -Summer "if there wasent a goal i would do it" "I am merely glorifying my toilet" "trying is the first step toward failure" -isaac v "lets take off his pants, it won't be hard!" -moth "heh, Woodcock..."-NickV It's more like a bicycle orgy. -Rick Rick: "That's what they eat for breakfast." Tessa: "So that's why they wage war on little countrys!" "My back is flexible, problem is it gets stuck that way." -Rick "Oh you only want me for my gas stove aand kitchen utencils." -Tessa Emma's Mom: "... But wait, was it John Adams or John Quincy Adams?" Emma: "One of those Adams guys.." Emma's Dad: "And then the other one started a brewery!" Jennyrose: I'd rather have a stud than a screw. Nick: justin? he's a psychopath.. I'm gonna keep him in the "geek friends" category Erin: "You should see what I can do with pants! Well, if you had bedposts..." Brent: "I'm gonna go get some bedposts." Rosie: "Do you know what you ask yourself when you drive up to a red light?" Elizabeth: "Is this light red?" Rosie: "No!" "I'm verbally masturbating!" "we're having wild foot sex!" -Fiona, Mariah, Curi & Amberlee "How can I stand closer to you than you to me?" -Kathleen "I could wear your glasses." --Marina Kathleen, after demonstrating a ballet turn with slippers on: "It was a nice graceful fall!" "oh, one way or another, i'll be coming" -avi, during phone conversation with sarah
"Why does it say there are six people in here? I don't see six people. I see six people. Oh, never mind." -Kathleen I can't speed and take corners well at the same time! platty Neal: Life without probloms is boring. Neal's Dad: You want probloms, eh? Have I got a life for you! Neal's brother: I unplug my nose at you! Neal: Then why are you scrahcing your crotch? Neal's Mom: That's his second nose.
"Hon, it's the only person wearing a chicken head." "Who's Calvin Klein?" "A president" -Fiona's little brother and mom "well hey, a trust fall!---oops." ~Rosie "I'm just subsisting without a real solid feeling sence of purpose at the moment, so it goes back to the default, which is money, cause money equals food and rent and new computers, etc. When all else fails, get money. It won't make you happy, but it will make life so much simpler once happyness shows up." - Zack Life is just a long painfull death.-Some loud annoying guy at -Isaac V 's fencing class "Hey Ester, do YOU like weiners?" - Matt H talking to Spikes dog Ali-"Oh pleasseeee Ryland could fit a family of four in his pants!" Jenla: Those masks look like they're made for people with squashed faces. Persian people. Kate: And you know this because....? Jen: I was talking about persian cats... People with persian faces. Kate: Well you shouldn't generalize the people by the cats. Jen: I wasn't! I was talking about people who look like persian cats. Persian cat people. Kate: But first you're talking about people and now you're talking about cats. Jen: No! I'm talking about persian cat people. People who look like persian cats. Ryland-"I like talking to myself, it's just like talking to someone else" Ryland-"oh darn! he's not wearing his jugs!" I would like to buy a black hat.-Some woman asking Isaac V at work for a black hat. IsaacV:....... could.... you be more pacific? "I think complete apathy should be illegal." ~Elizabeth R. on non-voters "Sometimes I just want to beat you. I don't really...well, yes, I do"-Erin to NickV "You know, masaging is kind of like sexual acts; you have to find the right place"-NickV "Do you mind if I sit here? I don't care if you make out, just as long as I can watch..." -some guy talking to NickV and Naomi in the movie theatre Cretien good, Stockwells baad!!!!-Isaac V. <sam> fuzzy neon ball gags... oy...
Adam D: Yeah, my ass will play the guitar one day. Wait, maybe it's time to change the subject. So, how about that old Not Back to School Camp, eh? Pretty neat thing, eh? Fiona: yeah. did your ass enjoy it? Adam D: Let's leave my ass out of this!! I'm trying to get over it. /Adam then decides he needs to DontQuote Fiona for revenge/... Adam D: don't forget who likes to POUNCE on her male friends... Adam D: heee hee heeee Adam D: MUAHAHAH! Fiona: I don't only like to pounce on my male friends! Fiona: er.. there's elbows everywhere but they're Not The Right Elbows! I can't handle this -sonja-miranda Zen: I need to go pee. Krista: Okay, then you go pee, and I'll go, period. Zen: Umm... "There's my gaydar and my straightdar, and Chris isn't on either." "Being a jerk-a-holic isn't something to be proud of, I don't think." Matt B. on phone with Jasmine. "She probably won't be able to sleep now." "Why?" "She'll be worried about oversleeping..." Teri, Kimberly's dear aunt Rosie: "Richard the third was an evil bastard." Elizabeth: "I'm voting for Nader." "Samantha, move your elbow. My ass goes there." -Susannah Robby: This is whatyou should be for haloween. Matt H: A pirate? Robby: No, an eyepatch! Zen: Cat will you do me a favor? Will you burn this on my neck? Cat: Ok. (later) Zen: Oww. "Susannah, come back, I promise I wont whack off!!" - Paul, a make up artist at Susannah's theater "I see your anal probe, bitch!" "So, what kind of underwear were you wearing?" "I want to be a baked potato, so bad," Carl, on the phone with Erin. "Erin, i don't think you could ever looks masculine"-Alyson, while Erin was trying to look masculine...in her dress. "ooh! three grapes!!" -Lydia ® "there's grunting and pelvic thrusting and all you can say is "three grapes"?!?!?!" -Ben (with a Courtney on him) "Stubbly chins are fun to chew on"~jennyrose "I can tell. It has very nut-like qualities."-Colleen "the ends do not achieve the means." ~Rosie (after an 8 hour car trip) "rhymi and i decided that if we were good musicians, we'd be really great musicians." -summer "i'm the furthest thing from a pacifist there is... i'm not saying i'm the furthest thing from a pacifist there is." -dylan dylan: it would have an anarchist government ... summer: dylan, there's no such thing! ... dylan: no, yknow, like communist anarchy! "your ass cannot be included in this" "Damn... third time this week a girl's told me that" -FionA and Adam (BikkoMan) "it's ok jake, it's physically impossible for you to be a whale's penis" lydia "jake, your on quack " zack "Doctors and lawyers and cops, oh my!"-Erin's brother, Demian "Another one?" an 8-year-old -FionA after being introduced to her aunt's boyfriend (now husband) "Mitchell, you're hallucinating a treble clef!" -Karin, Mitchell's piano teacher "I'm just very capable of sucoming to addictions, civ, masturbation, etc." -zack "Yeah, there's like one and a half chinas" -Melanie "yes, ryland. you were WRONG!"-Zack "Gosh I love me..."-NickV "They look like M & M's, but they're not! so I hate 'em!!" -Lydia ®'s dad, after being offered Skittles "I don't think killing people or making this chart would be very easy with popsicle sticks." -mr z "damn boys anyway, why do they have to take up so much space in my brain?!" -lauren nonono, underwear, and underwear that has been shoved up your ass are two compleatly different things-BeanieBaby what do you mean "I don't like having people fall on me and giving me tire burn"?!?! that's what it's all about!!!-BeanieBaby "Oh dear. If I'm about to be fossilized, I should go wash my face first. -Chris and Lorin B.'s very trippy brother Geoffrey [At Lotus' Party, Oct. 2000] "I don't have a religion; I Am a religion." - Forest as Jesus "Feet! I Feel Feet!" -Adam D. "I'm giving you Ten Seconds for Someone to come down here and sleep with me!" -Lotus "Jesus is my ho'!!" -Kat C. "I'm fucking, fucking, what the FUCK?!?!??" -Robby "But I need someone to roll in the hay with! any way, I've never slept in a barn!"-Kim "no.. I think the floor's clean enough, I mean I wouldn't eat off of it.. I mean BESIDES the whipped cream!" "Hey Ryland! your butt's sparkling!"-Kat E "ok Robby, that's it! you're not allowed to use your hands for the rest of the night!"-Kat C "well YOU didn't get half a salad stuffed down your pants!" "I need something to put under my butt!" - Becky J. "He's my Penny 'Ho!" - Kat Combs (referring to Adam D.) "What's this about the man-vaginas?!" "People don't hurt CD players, cabbages hurt CD players." - Kim "26. dumper or dumpee: ooooo, dumping people is just so much fun! it's totally my idea of a good time, i wish i could do it more often!! but then again.. being dumped is pretty damn cool too. especially the depression and low self esteem part of it. yeah. so.. can't i pick both here??pleeease????" "...I have to watch the violent bits, I'm an impressionable youth!" - Neal's brother Nicholas "...only when it's interpreted by the FOX ntework..." -Neal "This is a cultural event, Mother, you have to wear pants." -Mel, to her Mom "you are the most needy rational person I've ever known!" -becca, talking to zack. "So like, If I do Guitar University and get a PHD, will they call me Doctor?"-NickV "I went outside to see if there were, like, dazed bodies lying around, but there weren't." - Tam, Emma's mom Marina: "But there is a computer here. Evan: "Take me to your leader! "But lemons don't have nipples!" -marina "Why havent haven't I been drinking pumpkin sludge for years?" "Damnit! how fuck long are stupid Classical peices anyways???"-NickV "Look! Yellow M&M is gettin some from green M&M!!"-NickV "Wow Rick, I dont think Ive ever seen you stay up this late." "Ive done it every nin." "What?!?" "Every now and then, I droped a Syble. Syllable, I mean." -Justin and Rick "Vimf, damn you." "you mean tormenting one's helpless children isn't a natural instinct?" "M & M's have genders?" -Rosie "It's an ass chair?" it's the trousers, jp, if you wore skirts you'd be more interesting ;) -Marina "GEEZ! GET AN EGO!!!" -Brent "well to do the deed you have to think of something erotic." "procreation! lets get jiggy, knute-style!" "well see you put your fingers..... here..... and...... here." - Naomi "I think in a former life i was involved in a drive-by scooting." "Oh my the sound of a youngman's head impacting a solid iron object at 15+ miles per hour is so beautiful." "man somebody is an evil spawn of satan" "there's only so much room in my trousers" my penis!!! my pooor penis!!! Robert: You have boring socks Curi: So you don't wanna do it? (whoever the hell keeps changing this: STOP!) Mariah: I'm barefoot... Rob: You don't have socks or shoelaces.. Damn!.. You're turning me on! Curi: somebody do me! Mariah: Rob's about the only eligable one in the room.. Curi: well go for it! "nick, it isn't a good idea to be kissing radioactive girls." "We are the most expearniced virgins that there are" -Ryland "Don't quote that." -JohnPaul "I like rubber. It's fun." -JohnPaul "Excuse me, but can you tell us where the address book is?" -said by two pairs of scissors "i'm going to name my daughter after me so that she might live up to the expectations that i've set for her through my divine and perfect life-span." -naomi "It took tool use to make this and it's gonna take tool use to eat it, so bug off" "My slap is improving."-Mitchell "Only an unschooler would go in there to see if pages of War and Peace were still glued to the wall."-Mitchell, talking about a bathroom Acacia: "Pyrotechnic club. That's what my school needs. Then we'd have an excuse for destroying the school." Emma: "And it would look good on your college application!" "Oh, here comes the hat. Watch out." KimW's Dad watching Goldfinger "Where's Officer Shithead?...What we need is a flock of trained pigeons to fly over and shit on his cruiser. Shit on command. After two or three times he won't come back..." KimW's Dad talking about a cop that likes to "sneak attack" people in her Mom's village. "You see those people in the road? You should run them over" KimW's Mom "Hey you hot pussy!.... cat.." -Eryn's sister "Well, since I'm naturally a rules girl, of course I don't have to follow the rules" -Eryn Kat: "Dean sucks! Make him stop being attractive!!" Huck: "Okay, I'll just take a hacksaw to him." "somethings smells like it's burning..oh that's you"-DAn M "and then you'll fall down and like have an orgasm or something.."-Robby "Will You Be My Workhorse Baby!" -naomi's magnetic poetry, on her washing machine "Which came first: The Moose or the Horse?" "The Bowling Ball!"-Ben and Jason (I know a lot of people hate me for the last few postings on wiki, so you can e-mail me, and bitch me out brentmonkey at hotmail.com Also I don't care what you think of it, me and Rach had a kick ass time with it. so bleah, and one big ERG to you! Rachel:"We better make sure that we keep our pants on." Brent:"Why? That would eliminate all the fun!" Rachel:"knock. knock." Brent:"Who's there?" Rachel:"Panther" Brent:"Panther who?" Rachel:"Panths or no panths, I'm sleeping in your bed." Rachel:"You could pour chocolate milk all over me and lick it off" Brent:"Yeah, I'd like to do that" Rachel:"Your mom better let me come visit you" Brent:"YEAH! I wanna lose my virginity" Brent:"Quit being so damn depressed and have sex with me!" "Shuddddddduuuuppp Eriiinn" -NickV yelling at some one on TV "Ben! choose one.. tie your shoe, or talk online!" -Lydia ® talking to her brother sabrina:yay we're all gimps! sabrina's friend katie: no we're not, she's a spy! sabrina's friend erin T: no I'm not! I fell on my head when I was three! katie:ok, I guss you are a gimp ET: I feel insulted! "Oh look mom! Observe how my eye rolls, oh! look at them go! around and around!" -NickV "2x2(y2 a2) + y4 + 2y2a2 + a4 b4 = -x^4" "Oh!! Insight!" "Masturbation is like a season pass to Playland!"
"rachel, you're such a slut. brent brent brent brent brent naomi brent brent brent brent brent. all you wanna do is have phone sex with brent." "i am not a slut!" a few minutes later...."HEY! i don't have phone sex with brent!"~~~~~a conversation between rachel and sarah compton. "Damnit Cory! Were not gonna have all our fucking song's for our band about your fucking sleep deprivation! -NickV "How long does a rectal exam take?" -Jake "dude, people must be talking about me less then they lead me to believe" -Ryland "I'm having conversations in my brain and I'm not filling you in on them!" -Roya (Marina's friend and a future NBTSCer!) "Quote me, I'm desperate!" -Roya "You come to the party and you get double the fun cuz you got lots and lots and lots and lots of people to sleep with!" -Lotus "Ok,I'll stop playing with my cleavage now." -Lotus "Wouldn't you just love to see Ryland in spandex!" -Kat (Ernst) "Who say thumpkink about shaving my head & smurfs?" -Ryland
"I'll help you hold up your pants when im done flossing.." -Rosie to Elizabeth "ha! I will defy you with bokchoy! aha!" -Mitchell "FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. If I saw the architect that designed this shit, I'd drown him right here in this water. And break his leg..." KimW's dad after he runs over a submerged curb. "The only substance George "Dubya" Bush has is the gray matter coming out of my ass." - KimW's dad "Sex wouldn't be in nearly as many places if it wasn't for me" "Now I know god is dead... I just shot him!" "Let's face it, I have really really deep monkey love." -Brad, Gennie's amazingly super new boss "I love the devient books, especially this one." -A customer of Gennie's talking about Curious George "excuse me while i expose my inner thigh to the world." "hey baby, come'er, talk to me... it's just getting around." -becca "the only time I have trouble with money is when I'm a facist." -Jesse (friend of becca) "Suck it real hard, Right now" Courtney, to erin "stabilize my economy, baby." ~Rosie "value village is scary..." -NickV "Let me just look at the menu... oh look, ASS... Yeah, I'll take a piece of ass." "Wow... I've never seen this stuff before!" "I found this horrifying, but it might be just your cup of tea." "Who finished him off?" Keeley asks Courtney "What do you mean?" Erin inquires "Who pulled the trigger on the cannon" Keeley Sabrina is siting on some swings next to some other kids. Some teenagers drive by, one of them says:"hey look, it's a kid!and some other kids! and another one!" "since the world keeps going out of focus, I am thinking that trapezes are a bad idea..."-BeanieBaby "Women have a time of the month. I have a time of the year." "It's a chair!! Let's go WWF style!!!" "Gone to ashes over me, huh baby? Come on, lets fuck. There. All seduced." "Where are you? Naked on a ski slope!?" "The parts of the Linux file structure that have to do with toast are fairly minimal." "My underwear's boring." -Emma "I'm glad I'm as smart as I is." -Ryan, a friend of Marina's, who is normally quite intelligent... "I just thought someone should stand up for those braless women who masturbate." - Jenny G. "I'm going to have a nice long talk with Mitchell, and ask him about his morals and his yearly income, and find out whether he is really a suitable girl for Dawn. I mean. . ." - Naela on two hours of sleep "I wish that capitalist society was a honet as the Ferengi" "all you care about is giggleing about thongs"-Ryland "Those wisconsin boys are hot! grab them where you can! i mean...when...i mean...WHILE!" - Lotus "Boy, you're sure fussy." "See that? Thumb! I have a thumb.. I can start fires... I can use tools... Ow! Ow!" "Secular, god dammit!" "What is it with chickens and cults?" "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a knife thrower! Not profetionaly, I'll just throw knives at people..." -NickV "Verbal communication is a very risky thing with boyfriends. But I guess its okay, since you're both over eighteen." - Shippy "There is a person in Enigma?" -Kathleen "Don't make me come over there. On second thought...Go ahead, piss me off. I'm in the mood for violence." - KimW. to a friend
"Okay, hold on, let me go find out where I am." Erek: "Nick is in his room playing with his toy." Mitchell, in a very indignant voice: "Erek!" "I rule at re-salking! I rule at re-stalking!" -NickV at work finishing re-stalking hats "Now, be fair, he could just be stupid" "I'm wearing a pant on my rightleg and trouser on my left" "i have a little naomi-breast in my back pocket now." Ryland: "so what did i walk in on?" Emma: "Kinky sex." "I like my hips. I've been in them for several years now and they're all flexible." -Emma Platypus: I'm not a god... just anti-social. "That backpack looks just like Mikaila's shirt... except it's a backpack." -Ethan M Kat ( affixing price sticker to chest ): "My boobs now cost $34.99!!" Jay: "Stupid overpriced breasts." Cory: "Well, you could always shoplift them." "it's enjoyable for the first couple hours... but depression is pretty much depressing, however interesting it is" -Marina "Back off dude, I'm Wonder Woman!" ~ Rosie "So who finally married me last night?" ~ Rosie "So it's like a last fling with freedom...?" ~ Amy "Rephrase that or die." - Platypus "Get your own frickin' moment" Sabrina:"well I'll just put my ass over here then!" sonja:"geez, it only took you two trys"-BeanieBaby "no! you did it wrong, it's not you suck, it's funky like chicken!"-BeanieBaby "Why do they have to kiss so loud?"-BeanieBaby's friend Mika Dian: "Uh.. he'll be right out." Evan (Whining): "Hit them! With my SHOE!" - Evan being woken up for advisee meetings "Nobody trusts me with a hammer. I can't understand why." The source is Lheanna. She's an unschooler in spirit. :P "I don't understand why people have small dogs. It's like having a cat, only yaps louder and is more obnoxious." -Cassandra, wanderlust's sister "I before 3 execpt after C" "Ooh, lace!" "He stepped on my bladder!" "So, your juice tastes great but you die of E. Coli (Something to the effect of...) "Sam, you're always saying I say wise things. But what if it's not me, and you're just hearing the wisdom? Maybe wisdom is not in what the speaker says, but in what the listner hears." "I miss you more than marijuana." "It's my goal never to be on the don't quote that page... oh look I exist!" "He hits on him self better then me! No fair!" - Rory "Look at all the wonderful peoples in the computer!" - Kathleen "[I] can send you a variety of israeli poop.. a friend brougt back a compilation album" - Noam to Eryn "You're Corale's sister? .. So, are your parents both lookers?" - Matt H (To Ruti) "Speaking of eh, where's Adrian?" -Zen "ok, next time I want you to check for these things before you go out with a guy for six months; A: has he ever been in a mental instution? B: does he belong in a mental instatuion? C: is he involved in the milatarary? if so, see question B" -Ryland talking to Kat "I'll respect his personal space, but he's so sexy" "Carsie should live closer to me so I could seduce her." -Jake Shippy to Charlie: "Don't you know that in your own right you already are a pretty pretty princess?" "I see a tree in your head!" -Chris D "You've gotta be fat and walk like a princess." -Shippy "Do I have nice feet?" "Yes. They're succinct." "Succinct?" "Well, there aren't any bits that stick out... besides the toes, and they're supposed to stick out." -a conversation between Marina and her mom "Robert! i'm not gonna kill the lama okay!"-Sam "Crack is for kids" - Jason (Kim's friend) "Look at the world. Right here in front of you" - Cess showing Jason (two of Kim's friends) a box of frozen CheesePizzas. "maybe there are some people who shuld just not wear pants!" -Justin "Yah, It's kinda big eh? For an ass anyway..." -NickV "Im sorry I forced you to have sex with me." ~Anonymous girl speaking to me (Anonymous guy). I have an anal drip. I mean a nasal drip-jake m. [69] "Hmmm. Some strange girl's underwear and Ryland's sunglasses are in the backseat of my car." "Wait, why are my sunglasses in the back of your car??" -Justin & Ryland "You only want me for my laundry skills!!" -Ryland "She was pulling my rod!" - Ted "... or what you really need is edible staples, 'cuz then you could just staple your tortillas together..." "You're a cloud over my fucking morning!" - Evan "That would be interesting, said Robyn, bisexually!" -Robyn "Hey, that'd be a good Halloween costume...a lesbian cross-dressing puking armadillo." -Robyn "I need vibration!" -Heather "I feel dick. I mean, I feel sick." -Jake in the bathroom, as reported by Evan [69] "Be happy while you're sleeping in my sack." -Chris D. "I'll just take my penis elsewhere!" -Evan "No general fucking cheer!" -Summer, about the PAs mission statement "Oh. I'm sorry. I was talking to Mexico" -Kim W's boss (Jody) explaining to her husband why she couldn't take his calls. "Actually that'd be a good pick up line.. 'Nice speech impediment you have there'. Then you'd say 'Thank you Thir'" - Jonah "You'd make a great Spanish Communist. . . Actually, you'd make a great communist, period" "I hope I never become his foot." -Amy "And then, just when you thought it couldn't get any better... it doesn't." -some guy on the radio. "I can't just be slutty... I've got to be a mermaid!" -Candra We should just be a cult! -Morgan, no, no, no, everyone think s we re one already, so why bother, then we d just have to deal with all the little annoying parts of really being one! Zack, you mean like sacrificing virgins? Morgan, yeah, it s such a waste!! Zack. Oh common which would you rather have sex with me and live happily ever after, or get burned alive to some god? Zack. I'm using reverse phycology on myself! Zack. "Come on, eat me! Eat me!! stamps foot You're messing with the order of things. You don't go messing with the order!" ~ little cartoon swamp rat on TV "I have pretty boobs" -Fiona, to (girl) Corey "Is Damian here?" -someone "No, he's in the cooler" -Grace "If you get some socks I'll do your boobs." - Girl Corey to Beanie "Ow! Emily quit squishing my boob!" "Spike dude get your elbow off my boob man!" - Emily O. "If I say 'whatever' one more time, hang up on me, ok?" -Kate E. aka Kat "Strip time!" -Colleen "I'm not related to anybody" -Orjan "So you take some squirrels and some vodka..." -Ryland "Rotate the spontanius circle" -Dawn "Do Turtles purr?" -Tessa "If you see a guy walking around who you don't know, whose name is Bob . . ." -Grace "So you get some armadillos and some distilled water..." - Ryland "Cold! It's the secret ingredient!" -Nick "I'm gonna go home with a broken back. Yes!" -Coleen "I'm convirting you to a Rylandist." -Ryland "Uh, Avi . . would you just slide your hand on down to my waist." -Mitchell "Uh-oh, it's the bathroom stop of doom." -Taber "Raise your hand if you've ever removed paint from cars with coca-cola . . . (only Jake raises his hand) oh shit" -Jake M. Ryland: "You know what would be really cool, computer geeks who went in for the Amish look." Nick: "Yeah, than we could have server raisings." "It's very hard to climb a fence with a car." -Ryland "You can vote fore Gush or Bore." -Erek "Imagine a fish with a trunk and big ears." -Ryland "I don't want to know anything about anybody any more. It just leads to tears." -Naela "My mother is an editer, so I never learned how to write" -Tessa "Most people expand their familys in a more . . . manual way. -Shippy "I think we may be related, way back in the future." -Adam C. first session camper. "I can't magically whip up our bathtub for you." -Teagen "I still think God doesn't taste as good as meat." -Xick "You're sort of a quiet person, but in a loud way." -Marina to Ryland "I think those bunnys should really have nuclear weapons." -Charlie Tessa: "Tofu as God. I could seriusly handle that." Dawn: "Tofuists!" "I am not a cleaning prodduct" -Ryland [71] "If we start laughing at Rick's puns, please send us to bed." -Naela "I'd probably be more comfortable if I took my pants off" "It's different if you've lived on a farm and've been driving a tractor since you were 9. These days people have been playing video games for 16 years!" -Zack's Mother. "No, people don't start playing video games till they're at least 3." -Zack. "But I still couldn't get anyone to sleep with me..." "I swear, it's wholesome! just look at what's written on my neck!" "Mom, what are accelerator sticks?" "Well he's talking through both sides of his ass!" ~Zack, listening to G.W. Bush (Dubya) talking about education. (A segment of a speech broadcast on The News Hour, PBS, August 31st, 2000) "When it's in other cultures it's propaganda, when it's in our culture it's socialization" ~Interviewee on Public Radio, on kindergaten curricula. Exerpt from a conversation between Zack and another student in his tai-chi class, pertaining to Dubya: Z- "I bet they'll find out in a few years that he's got Altzheimers too!" Duane- "No, I think he'd be smarter if he got Altzheimers." Z- "He'd forget to be so stupid?" Duane- "Exactly." "Oh I'm not selfless, I just get my kicks helping people feel better." ~Zack. You ought to ask 'im first. say, very politely, "excuse me but your ass attracts me. may i grab a handful please?" "I was thinking of recreation/illegal activity... I should shut up now" "Me? Evasion? ... but the christmas lights are nice" "Twig instead of Imp? That's a whole sexual paradigim" "So that's why all my cooking tastes like crap "It's not that I think everyone I know is anouying, there's just a lot of anouying people in my life!" -NickV " Adrenile is a great drying agent." ~ EarthGoddess's dad "The whole world hates me!" ~Rosie "Well. . . that's probably a slight exaggeration." ~Amy "Plus, if you lived every day as if it was your last, you'd never clean your toilet." -Robyn "It has to be like, freshly killed hair." -Jenla "Wouldn't that be bizarre. Sueing an internet provider for wrongful death." -Tessa Nick: "Hold on, I've got a plan!" Chucks a nickel at the television "Don't worry, I've got another one!" Chucks another nickel Nick: "Well, except he's pretty old..." Justin: "Bruce Lee is dead, man." Nick: "No, I mean the pope." "Retracting things into your ass is not good." "I actually used 'Cybrid'[57] in an actual sentence. I'm probably the first person in the world to do so!" "I can't whine right" -Rick, in very whiny voice "Stop the guilt trip please . . . or else come sit on me." -Tessa "A really old lifesaver. Good deal" Robyn (long thoughtful discution of relationships) Rick: "what are you doing Robbie?" Robyn: "Wondering why my bellybutten is hairy." "She leaves those festering debacles of the charnelhouse strewn about the garage!" -Rosie "You silly people!! Being horney is a gift!!" -NickV "Hmm, Incest or same-colored-shirts?" "This tastes better than sleep" "Okay, I need to talk to her a lot and then propose to her..." -robert alder Eryn: "Well, now you really /can/ have a relationship with your computer. Cyber-sex too!" Noam: "Hmm... Well, I'd have to write a program for that" Noam: "Stand up for yourself!" Eryn: /stands up/ Noam: "No, that isn't right! You stood up because I told you to!" "It was like a hot knife through butter" - Alyson's cello teacher describing their lesson "Yes, I'm in a relationship with someone. My first love is my computer" - Noam, being a typical geek "What's this about little boys? Megan! Have you been rapeing little boys???" -NickV "Well, suppose you do something to insult her, for example, you say "Hello" the wrong way. She'll whip around and hurls a flaming marshmellow at your head." - Ryuji Jinno, of his sister Ran Aiko (yet more of Fuzzy's deranged characters) "This city supports the arts, yeah right it does. One of these days thay're gonna move the right dumpster and find the whole Seattle Symphony sleeping behind it" -overheard at Pike Place Market, Seattle. "I think it wasn't just my ass, i think it was me crying too"-snippet overheard on bus by Robert (Spiff) "I'm going to get out my mirror and look girlie," Naomi, sitting in the Barnes & Noble cafe .ith Courtney, Alyson, Carl and Erin. "i want to say that just for tonight the negatives outweigh the positives, but i've been printing negatives all night and they're not very heavy. just colorful. fuck it!" -summer's freewriting journal "So, is this wall supposed to move?" -Jarrett, Eryns friends younger brother "Well, he may tell you that his name is Chris Walton, but all Karate teachers real names are Phil Sakakuchi. Phil Sakakuchi also has an Aikido master friend, and they fight evil insurance salesmen. But the salesmen hit them with their briefcases." - Steven Kovner "Yeah, satyrs are pretty nasty. Not as bad as centaurs though." "What? I thought centaurs were nice." "No, there's only been one friendly centaur as far as I can remember." -Typical phone banter between Sterling and Mitchell "I've lifted most of my characters' names from books I've read." "Well, I name my characters after anything that I happen to be staring at! Do you remember Schiff? I named her after my old children's vitamin company! It was just a sudden inspiration I had several years ago." -More of Sterling and Mitchell "Do those people have carryout boxes?" "No, baseball bats." "Well, maybe they're going to hit us on the head and tell us we've eaten already" -Tessa and her mother "Get an ax, murder your parents, never go to school again." "Greetings to you, father, who could have multitude, serenity and wisdom in the highest if you had studied and followed the teachings of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon." - Li-Loui Cox, a strange person of Fuzzhead's "Never trust an enemy shishkabob." - Fuzzhead "Hey, guess what? Duck feathers are weird." - Ambergold, one of Fuzzhead's characters "For christ sakes I've seen glow in the dark condoms in like.. Barnes and Noble" "Fine. I'll sleep with Charlie." -Shippy "I'm as wholesome as deep fried wonder bread dipped in chocolate" -Jason "But I don't want to be a mother right now..." -Shad "You're so cruel... But I love you anyway." -Mitchell "You're so kind.. Thank you." -Tessa "I am so much more than girl on girl! (like girl on bed, girl on melted cheese... mmm)" "I mean, I could be a drug dealer!" -Robyn and Fuzzy's Mum " you were that freako that took my twin out into the woods at camp" -Shippy (comenting on how she rememberd who someone was) "Aah, adventures in topology" "Don't call my bitch 'poopsie'!" "I love humourous, slightly pornographic fiction" "Who cares about the chocolate chips! I'm in it for the dough!" - Nebula, Kate's rat (translated by Jennyrose) "Yah well, its a fact of life, boys are boys, boys like nude girls" -NickV "Wouldn't you want you parants to know where you are so if you get kidnaped and they're your only hope, that they can find you?? -Cory's mom "Nah, my last hope would be a hot secret agent chick! -NickV "hey babe, wanna screw?"-Shippy to fellow worker (I kid you not. I swear. really. That she was working on a fence in the backyard putting boards up with a crewdriver only makes it kinkier..) "Just goes to show you about sex-crazed freaks." There are words like "reality" and "normal" that should have the quotation marks built into their spellings damnit! -Tessa "ok i'll go back and show you the cute ones in a minute, but i'm looking at condoms right now." "but for now i will not be distracted from sex toys damnit" "We can be a peer advisor team. S 'n' E... Like S&M, but... not." -Evan "Yes, let's ask Grace... 'Grace, can our job be to lead people to their death?'" -Evan "Hello?" -Summer ... "Hi, is Summer there?" -Evan ... "This is her." -Summer ... "It is?" -Evan ... "Yep. Hi Evan." -Summer ... "Oh. Hi. It's so good to hear your voice!" -Evan "We were curious as to how it would go, if people would come..." -Summer to Evan on the idea of a masturbation workshop. "Now, how am I supposed to embroider his little eyeball?" -Robyn "Now, using my finger to clean your head is just weird" "I don't know, drugs and water scare me." -a irl walking behind Mitchell as he was leaving the Vancouver Folk Festival "Why is it that all hot girls have boyfriends?!?!" -Cory "Stuff is garbage, friends are good, and I need more action" - Ben R., on life "Because mosquitoes carry.. what is it.. Malaysia?" "Me? But I don't know what puppy dog eyes are" "No, I just like jumping up and down." - Noam's dad, when asked if jumping was a regular part of his aerobics class "Wink's as good as a nod to a blind bat, eh?" -Courtney, quoting Monty Python ... "Unless it's on your face!!" -Cory "...My body's talkin' to me, it says time for din-ner! ....fiiiiiiiish tonight!" - Emma and her friend Ginger singing veeery loudly in the dinner line at ballet camp " you exist in a world where you think of a solution to a low atmosphere situation?"- some goofy tv show from tonight, it struck me as funny... "She's just a little bundle of entropy, isn't she?" *jenkitty yells at nick for beating her /-seen on IRC (I'm innocent, I tell ya)/ "coffee, morphine... it's all the same!" -summer's journal Did you know that Lesbos are just Girl Fags?? It told me on a Web site! -NickV's friend Noami "Hah! Interative Male, that is so gay!" -NickV looking at gay love line in the paper "Could you stop saying 'ryland!?!?!'" -Jennyrose "Ryland, is that a crack pipe?" -Jenny "Ryland, I need your hands" -Eryn "why Zak, you really are a good first time groper" -Ryland "dude Ryland, and we thought you were wholesome, like Ramen noodles!" (a freind of Rylands) "I just imagined this oiled weasel greasing along." - Rosie "But, Summer... you don't have breasts! What jokes could you make?" -Summer's boy "In other words, everyone has the right to be an asshole." -Sheila (Kate & Jennyrose's mummsie) "yes... you were sane once.... i think it was on a thursday....." "Show me a skirt that will cling to my hips, and I'll show you a skirt I'll wear. -Ari "speaking of half-naked..." -jennyrose "Life is just a long painfull death" IsaacV "I'll take a brief break from being suspicious and vindictive." Timothy (not an NBTSCer, an Antiochian) to Melissa: "So are you going to have any male sex slaves?" Melissa: (pauses) "I don't know. I think they'd be kind of hard to transport." Melissa: "If you want to walk fast, you imitate a tall person." Timothy (a tall person): "Or you could just grow. You could do that for a few days." Oh my God, my ass went to sleep! My butt gets all fuzzy. It's really weird how the new new composers don't sound as good as the old composers. It's fun to be a serial killer! Peter: Don't let me catch you saying double negatives aren't bad! Wait. Peter, in a prim British accent: Quite a proper explosion! Charlie: Ultraviolet is like purple, only worse. Peter: Heh, well, that's like saying "Ice: it's beyond cool!"! Peter: We humans could have discovered electricity by 1000BC if I'd been in charge. Of course, we still wouldn't have discovered pottery. Oh, and I'm thinking of trademarking the word "civilization". Charlie: Yeah, and in the fine print down at the bottom of the world, it could say "Civilization[tm] and the Civiliztion[tm] Logo[tm] are Trademarks of Peter[tm] Loyd, Inc.; Unauthorized Use Prohibited. Peter: Maybe I should just get a what-d'ya-call-it, a patent, on reality. Charlie: Hmmm. "Reality[tm], or techonogy contained therein, is registered with the US Patent Office under patent number 6,639,293 and is protected under international law. Prosecuters will be violated." Peter: Prosecuters will be violated? That's an interesting idea.... Charlie: Well, it's your reality, after all. Peter: Yeah. Where can I get some paper like they use for blueprints? I want to start making some sketches. Charlie: Tell you what, Peter, let's trademark the word "trademark" and the symbol "[tm]", so we can sue everyone who trademarks anything. Peter: Except reality, which I get to keep. Charlie: Well, it followed you home, after all. But you have to share. Peter: We can just split it up. I'll take Australia, and you can have...um.... Charlie: Can I have the laws of physics? Peter: Well, not all of them. How 'bout gravity? Charlie: Ooo, gravity, my favorite! Can I have thermodynamics too? Peter: Okay. Camilla can have electricity. Charlie: What are you gonna keep? Peter: Huge fireballs. I figure that'll let me keep people in line. What were we talking about? Charlie: Civilization. Peter: Right! Sometimes hips are a pain in the ass. Okay everyone, since I say so much stupid stuff, and I'm pretty careful about saving it up, and I only get online every few decades, I've got a big ol' wad of quotes here. And since I'm such a polite guy, I'm not going to dump 'em all up at the top. Therefore: Welcome to the Charlie section! === Sure I have a sex drive. You just can't tell, because I talk about it all the time. I don't care what he said, I've never eaten dry ice. No. What I actually do with it is much, much worse. No, I'm not horny. I just have cold nipples. Get used to it, fellas. Sure we have summer here. Last year, for instance, it fell on a Tuesday. Other than that, it's basically rain. You know, the wet stuff you get around here? Rain? The sky-dribbles? Right. I eat it. My, what a hectic shedule I have. For instance, this morning I discovered I can take off my vest without removing my jacket. Maybe I need a hobby. For years I've been waking up sore in my joints, runny-nosed, and with red eyes. I thought maybe I had some creeping disease, but it turns out I'm just allergic to sleep. No, those aren't birds! That's our rare Peruvian Cheeping Boa! Don't pet it or it'll crush your ribcage. You know, all the good cliches are taken. I'm installing Linux so I can say things like 'deprecated' without people looking at me funny. Well, they'll still look at me funny, but at least I'll be able to say "What're you looking at me funny for? I installed Linux on my computer, you filthy louse-eating baboon", and that just makes all the difference, doesn't it? Yes, but we already know that mainstream culture is just a personified feedback loop, eating its own feces, philosophizing about contemplating its navel, and emotionally masturbating I've told you a million times, never exaggerate. Compared to that two-ton slab of cold granite, you're really quite something, Shippy! The name is Loyd I never denied saying this! No, uh, I never denied not saying that I hadn't said this. No, I mean, I'm not saying this. No! I mean, I didn't ... aw, forget it. Man, if that's what my bedroom looks like, I'm going back to sleep. Charlie, talking about how he wants a command line on his computer: I don't want it to exactly replace the visual idiom, I just think language is a more flexible way of doing things. I mean, for instance, with a language you can talk about things or do, you know, with complex ideas, and across conceptual stuff, you can reach, and be more articulate than -Annoying, stupid, supposedly-clever recursive definitions-: they're like this. Sex! Sex! Sex! Sorry, I just had to try screaming that out of the blue. Why is everyone looking at me? Charlie, 'discussing' advertising: Actually, I kind of enjoy the ads in big pop magazines. It's interesting to see what makes people want to buy things. On the other hand, I get kind of sick of the big Who Can Come Closest To Actually Showing A Real Breast Contest. On the third hand, that's pobably what makes people want to buy things, isn't it? Maybe I'll stick to National Geographic. At least in National Geographic, you get just as many penises. Not that, you know, that's exactly a bonus, just . . . oh man, I hope no one quotes me. That would look horrible on Don'tQuoteThat. I wonder if it's more equal to have as many penises as breasts, or exactly half as many? Of course, in National Geographic, you get Buick ads, which are almost as bad as penis ads. Not that I would know. About the Buicks, I mean. Uh. How 'bout them Mariners? I, grammatically correct? No, Peter, don't you understand? It's just unknowable! Aww, you don't get it, do you? I don't mind propaganda, as long as I agree with it. For instance, it wouldn't bug me to see propaganda saying "propaganda is evil and must stop". Really, ask any computer geek. The past has creeping featurism. They ought to just freeze it. A weasel down the pants is worth two in the bush. You know how Groo had those two swords? Well, I'm like that with Peter's rears. I mean ears. Yeah, but the really great thing about being in a relationship with Shippy is all the character it builds. I don't much like early Germanic string music. Of course, I never could stand Saxon violins posing as entertainment. You know, I've been for waiting several years to say that. Charlie, in the middle of a serious conversation: But take someone like, say, Shippy People always seem to associate hot tubs with sex. But a well-heated hot tub tends to induce a sort of ... ahhh ... wet-noodle effect. There's not much a guy can do after about three minutes in really hot water except kind of moan. Mom, where's the graph paper? I'm working on a scheme to make all Martha Stuart's hair fall out at her Christmas dinner. Is sex really that interesting? Ooo, listening to Canadian politics on the radio again, Peter? Now there's some excitement for ya. Need a change of underwear yet? I guesss it's a thrill if you can take it, but my doctor says my heart isn't strong enough. Whoo boy, I guess once you're bored of Canadian political commentary, you're bored of life. Don't touch that dial, I just gotta listen to another three-minute clip of people insulting the Grand Vizier in parliament. No, that's not right, I mean the Duke. No, wait, the Governor. Or is the it the Premier? With a title like that, I bet he collects chicks by the igloo-full. [etc., etc.] My new hobby is watching people who say "I'm definitely not going to get sick. I just won't" get sick. Hey, at least it's better than collecting stamps. I can't die yet! I haven't had a chance to wear my LinuxPPC t-shirt around the teriaki joints in Redmond yet! I guess I just have a soft spot in my head for little kids. I'm not obsessed, I just can't think, write, or talk about anything else. It's a subtle distinction.... There is so a difference! I just haven't decided what it is yet. Call it situational lexicography. Which actually means 'arthritis clinic'. Which is pronounced "throat warbler mangrove". Awww, don't bother meany more, I'm sleepy. I'm secretly male. If I could vote in this election, and I had to choose between Bush and Gore, I'd definitely go for Bill the Cat. (a) He's a better leader than either of them; (b) he comes a lot closer to my personal feelings on most of the issues; © he's much sexier than they are; (d) he'd appoint Opus, Lola, Milo, Binkley, Oliver, and the others to the the Supreme Court, and Steve Dallas would make a good Attorney General; (e) he'd rolf hairballs all over lobbyists and special-interest groups; (f) we'd get a federal Lobotomies-On-Wheels program; and (g) there are so many other reasons I could make up the it would just take too long to go thought them. Oh, and (h) he's dead. Sure I'm pregant, I just don't get morning sickness. Uh, I mean the other way around. Actually, I'm not preganant and I don't get morning sickness. Well, if you want to talk about its orthography, written Czech is just a hacek job. Well, Charlie's a total pompous jerk anyway, so we can just ignore him. But you have to understand that when I say things like that, sometimes it's just so I can put myself on DontQuoteThat. Which is a totally pompous, jerky thing to do. At least I have the taste to be proud of all the dumb things I say. Uh. Does that sound overly defensive? End of Charlie's section [1] oh no! the gennie & nick space is missing! Well here's some: woah, who said anything about ownership? ;) if I get you the licence I have part of the ownership that is just how it is going to work otherwise no piece of the action, no booze
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Gennie
