Check in, baby... I just got an e-mail from Mitchell, and from Robyn, and from Tessa. I have Ryland next to me wandering around playing with bright eletrical things and i get to see Chris Black today. yay. double yay. Gawd I'm happy. I suspect i need to e-mail my little sister and hear more through adventures. ;) *wink* -Dawn http://www.godhatesfags.com/ can you say homophobic dickfuck? it's sites like these that makes me want to run off and go meet myself a really nice girl (no offence rael). glarg. my hair is wet and clean. i got a letter from mel. god i love her. yeah sure i miss victor's like sin but it was time to go home somehow. i talked to my mother about my father. he got some more asshole points. apperently he wants me in fulltime school he wants me tested and i am not alowed out of the country. whats funny is that at the time when he called i am IN ca usa. hehe. but still it pisses me off that he wants to be part of my life so he can controal me. well, toooooooooooooooooo baaaaaaaaad! i'm going to go and be an unschooler and backpack accross amarica when i am only a teen. too bad. someone who hasnt seen me sints november doesnt have a say in what i do or say or where i travle to. espicly someone like my father who thinks eating disorters are part of growing up. ahem. the drive to devon was okay. sad but okay. i got on my buss and cryed.i pased the borders bookstore and the garden where i was kissed.god i miss you already. so once i got off my buss i was at the down town grayhound station in San Fransisco. i know right then i wanted to get in and out of there as fast as i could. so i did. i took the normal bus system to the airport and talked to a backpacker coming home from around the world trip. she reminded me of dawn. so then i waited. i'm getting rather good at sencing peoples energy. i sat in the waiting room for a good.... 2 hours lisoning to a little girl starving for her fathers attention. very sad. i found the note from carlyon sitting on the plane moments before i took off. i sang both hands between tears. i peered out of my window and wondered why the fuck i was leaving rael my boyfriend jess victor and everyone else in the place. i miss you all. i talked to a lady from san fransisco but orignaly from edmontion she was so very kind. rather soft spokon but still very kind. i watched a tv show in french because i couldnt find the words in inglish. my plane landed and i was in the vancover airport. it is so pritty. and so fucking big. wow. i crossed borders. they laughed when they saw my warning police tape and old rusty bult but besides that i was fine. i walk out. i must say theres nouthing more weard then getting off a plane and not having anyone to greet me. so then i go and find my gate. and i wait. and wait and wait. for 2 hours i wait. i watch a family with 3 littl kids play with a weelchare i overhear a mom and daughter talkinmg about her ex husband. i wish i knew them so i could of given her a hug. i cralled onto my plane. by this pont the most real thing i had to eat was 2 peaces of toast and a crappy grose ham sandwitch. i find my seat and i start talking to 2 ladys. one 86 and the other 82. they reminded me of my gramma. they though i was really cool and the fact i was a homeschooler was good and that this trip i went on was so amazing for me and taught me so much. the flight wasn't that long only an hour so before i knew it my trip was over. i had travled for 17 hours. i came home and home is still home. my mother and i are both on better terms now that we have had a break from each other. victors party misses me and didnt forget me. made me happy i got to talk to rael. they all said hi and snuff. then i went and fell asleep. now it's back to the real world and o school and poetry. back to snow and my old life i ran away from and to the new extention i've added to it. wow. stary eyes yours in poetry long storys and lots of endless love ...I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you, I'm out of vogue I'm out of touch, I fell too fast, I feel too much... Why can't I just let things figure themselves out? I have to be the one that makes everything okay, and it drives me crazy. I need to learn to let stuff mellow and trust that everything will be okay in the end. But I don't know if everything will be okay in the end, and... it sucks. Please don't let me fuck things up.
i love you, you drive me crazy, i love you, you drive me crazy. how it always has been and how it always will be. dying of the plague, i think i can drown from drinking this much water. i want to keep you in a box. we always get sick at the same time. i would feed you halls cough drops and yogi tea. make sure you had clean clothes and enough blankets. you would put on south park and cook me veggie burgers. and we would lie in bed and watch tv, sniffling together, coughing together. i would feel your arms and know that we'd get well together too. and then we'd wander the streets, finding train tracks and grafitti and writing haiku's on the sidewalk. you'd drive me crazy. man, i love you.
Execellent. Yours trully is Jr Staff at camp. Wet hair and fiddle music, spent the morning curled up with Ryland. Life is good. Im going to go bake some bread and enjoy some Utah Philips I havent heard before. Hopefully I see Kate soon. -Dawn WOW cool im going to denver today yay im getting a drum set yay im going to meet the guy who invented teakwon-do COOL!!!
wow. big wow. i should be doing everything but this. ive been awake for 40 hours. wow. wow. wow. i think this calls for a lot of poetry. watch out world. ive armed with a pen
and bang. i fall again. lifes confusing. life keeps moving (too fast) and sometimes i hang up with a friend without saying i love you and i feel horrible. sometimes i want to tell you that you are my hero. sometimes i want to let everyone know that today i did not get the mail and yesterday i did not think about you the whole way out to the mailbox. i run out. trudge back. i'm out of that pattern now. i'm flying now. clonk. i fall again. lifes confusing. i doubt it gets better but it's okay because i'm out of the danger of falling into something like love with you. -franny Please don't call me a traitor. I'm <gasp> going to school! Well, college that is. And I've expected for a while that I would be, but it's official now. NYU (my very very top choice) has accepted me! I am very pleased. The whole idea of going away (forever?) this fall is a bit frightening, but I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. NYU's Tisch School of Arts has a very well-respected acting program that (I think) is really right for me. Amusingly, the other two schools to which I applied (you know, in case I didn't get into NYU..) both rejected me! Anyhow. In other news, I'm tired. And I feel kind of lousy. I'm actually considering going to sleep soon (it's only 9:37! Absurd!). Which might not be bad, since I need to get up early to go up to New York for a weekend of welcome-to-new-students-type-events. And then this coming week I vow to Get Stuff Done. Stuff for Me, you know? I owe letters to Rosemary and Chris and Eve and many other people... Perhaps I'll get a chance finally. My party was quite lovely, by the way. Maybe the photos will find their way online one of these days... Love and lizards, Emerie I need a hug.
Has anyone here ever lost a best friend? I think I just lost mine, and it feels really, really awful. It's sort of like breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, I suppose; she knows all my secrets and I know all hers (up to a point), and now we're just going to move out of each other's lives, still carrying the other's lives with us? How does that work? How can one stop thinking about it?
i'm sailing right behind like a bridge over troubled water I am fruitpicking and getting a good tan. Apples are good straight from the tree, but I'm horribly homesick.
Hee hee sensative thugs, y'all need hugs. -naomi hey! brilliant news flash! life. goes. on. oh yeah, huh...
Hey...it's me...Mel hidden away in a cranny of California. Yes I do still exist! I had a long, complicated dream last night about reading Carolyn's LJ. So I'm off to go read it, and eat a bit of peanutbutter. I think I'm a little high from the painting I'm using for the mural in my bathroom. Remember, Peas are Squishy! i looked at the page "why am i still here" and couldn't answer. tears just splashed two great big splashes down my cheeks. fuck.
"The bestowal of freedom is the bestowal of love, and only love can save the world." from "Summer Hill". I think I agree... -franny ugh. today is a mostly beautiful day in the country, also the last day of march & easter, which, in my childhood, meant much joy & yummy things to eat. i will not get into my ughiness right now, just i'm sick & lonely & starting to unwind from a very nice week at robyn's house. also i miss dawn alot. & funky stuff. yeah. parents. why? sister. go away. blah.
what an awsome evening, 27 people come in to our house, starting around 5:30pm, bring food, and good conversation, the last of them leaveing just after 10pm, makeing for a most exalent evening!
so many friends that I had so much that I wanted to talk about, and some of whom, I have not seen in such a long time, there was also some people who asked me to make them some cabints (ok, alot of cabints) for a comunity house they are building, so if I have the time, I should be able to do that, and make a bit of money, it should be nice, finly doing a larger job for someone else, without a regular bose... that is, if I do it.
I also talked to someone who's house was built by the guy that invented the socket quick release, that is used by craftsmen rachets, only, I was told that, they used his invention with out telling him, so he sued them, won, and used the money to make an awsome little log house, with what I was told, is awsome wood work... the guy that owns said house, now seemed like a really cool guy that I wished I would have been able to talk to more.
it also sounds like there is a slim posiblity that Rowan will get a horse, and that it will live here, sence we have space, and mom likes the idea of manure for the garden.
over all, it was awsome! about 5 minutes after the last person left, I looked around, and relised that aside from an odd glass or something stuck some place, the house was almost spotless!
turns out that Dawn gets here on Tuesday, not Monday... darn, I have to wait another day. 12 hours and I leave for Rylands house. Joy. Bliss. I arrive Tue morning. Delight. Strangness. Not knowing what will change. Lonely but not for long. -Dawn tired warm and fuzzy. nothing says comfort like reading all the Frances books and Pogo after vegan quiche and pear pie. yesterday he asked me why our relationship was so complicated. and while we waited for 30 minutes at a bus station at Yorktown and Westminster, i bought a pen to write it out, because for some reason, three little words were too heavy to take a dive off of my tongue. i didn't know you could get physically ill like that, just from having something pent up for two years. and it finally all came out. i was shaking. and i couldn't look him in the eye. he hugged me and i clung to his thermal, shaking in my own skin, feeling strong against his. at first i was afraid because i didn't want anything to change. and now i think i will be upset if, after all that, it stays the same. i feel so brave. and i feel so in love. and i'm not sure how much of either is going to last. more than anything i feel like i am teetering on a tight rope. no safety net, of course. but i have baby baby wings.
I was going to be a Responsible Adult and write resume, bank, post office, phone calls. Instead i came home, took a shower, nap, baked muffins, cleaned the house and wrote Liz R. I think they both acomplish the same amount in the end. -Dawn Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I've posted just a little bit around here. I thought this might be a good place to introduce myself. I'm 16, live in Indiana, and am a lifelong unschooler. I would LOVE to get to know all of you great people! My e-mail is celia_garth at yahoo.com, if anyone is interested in e-mailing. My family is planning on going to the Colorado campout, and I'm going to camp this fall (session 3 if that goes through, or session 1 if WV doesn't happen). I love coming here to lurk around and rejoice in finding a whole unschooling community, but I decided it was high time I actually introduced myself. Hi. Nice to meet you. :-)
i was calm while i drove today! i didn't clunch the steering wheel. i didn't clench my jaw and i didn't tense my legs up. i sang "Iowa" in the sun that poured through the windshield and for the first time this week, i felt truly comfortable behind the wheel. this driving stuff is going to be fun afterall! -franny "F*cking Asshole" were the first words i heard this morning, as my mother careended down the stairs furiouse, freash off a phone call with my father, her ex-husband. Eventually we all knew it would come down to money and kids. On the upside, two letters arrived yesterday, one from Tessa containing lots of rambles, and one from Robyn including a mix tape. so that makes me happy. Adults. roll of eyes Insane. -Dawn
fall into a dream. walk sweating in the sun and get a watch tan and let a billion new freckles appear on your nose. smell the delicate heady transitions of spring. forget about homework. be by yourself and sing. remember to breathe again. sit down and watch. forget forget forget, which is just remembering what's really important. imagine once more scenarios you had forgotten at the back of your mind. listen to your dissatisfaction. rest. prod your hibernating intensities. -rosemary I'm looking at my summer and liking what I see. I'll be doing things I want, but not so much I run out of free time. I have options. I have friends, they're just a long ways away. And it's finally getting warm enough to work outside. Hooray for seasons. -Chris B. --- So i quit work. I smiled sweetly walked off my last shift, and stood in the melting spring air repeating "I Never Have To Do That Again" untill it started sounding so good i wanted to dance. I drove home listening to an Ani tape from Rosie smiling my head off. I am going to visit Ryland next week. It is a good night to be unemployed with a bus ticket in my name... -Dawn
Life, I have decided, is similar to a skeleton. When you look at it objectively it doesn't really make much sense, and there's all these little lumpy pieces that shouldn't fit together, but somehow do. Stringy parts stretch and bend and look kind of gross, and we break if we push too hard. All that, and yet amazingly. . . we walk and talk and breath. That ugly calcified structure is important. It is even, when viewed from the right position, beautiful.
i can get through anything right? i can get through the stress of learning to drive. i can get through my two hours of driverds ed tomorrow. i won't scream until i'm out of the school. i can get through the word that is consistently running through my head. change-franny Why is it so hard to actually communicate?
Hey! Marina, Kat and Robyn here! We had an incredibly productive Cool day, so we want to tell y'all about it. We woke up horribly early, around 8 o'clock. We then watched "To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar" which Marina at least had never seen before, and has Patrick Swayze(sp?) and Wesley Snipes and Stockard Channing in it and was really funny and all and quite educational too. No, really. And then we got up and got dressed and took showers, which was really amazing. Then we went out. Kat got two Awesome CDs, including Lady in Satin by Billie Holiday, which all three of us agree is amazing and beautiful. We also went grocery shopping! Woohoo! It was actually pretty fun. And Marina saw hail, which she'd only seen once before in her life. And Kat lay on her back in the mud and took pictures in front of a really neat church. And we split one ginger ale, one smoothie, and an entire bag of chocolate chip mint cookies between us for "lunch". Then we came home and listened to said CDs, and read fairy tales and fairy tale retellings to each other for three or four hours. Authors read included the Brothers Grimm, Francesca Lia Block, Anne Sexton, Daniel Quinn, Patricia C. Wrede. Marina also convinced Robyn to do a rockin' chipmunk voice. Marina also had a yummy openfaced grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. Then Marina made a fantabulous macaroni and cheese dinner while Robyn and Kat did two days worth of dishes, and they all ate baby carrots and listened to good music. Then we did a poetry marathon for about two hours and didn't write one sucky poem, any of us, and a lot of really amazing poems. Yeah. Then we ate chocolate cake and Brown Cow ice cream. (Vanilla, chocolate, and chocolate chips.) We bent spoons and were otherwise funny. Then we read all our poems aloud, and practiced Slamming for the poetry slam on Friday! We also giggled evilly. Then we played a really bizzare drawing and writing game and laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. And now it's midnight. Thus, we rock! Love, Marina, Kat and Robyn i'm at work, eating goldfish, mangling time... i already did all my closing paperwork so i feel ok about slacking. paul (coworker) and i always end the days by talking human nature. today we are talking about clinginess, how loving something and setting it free is the way to go. and death. a lot of death. he told me that "you're too happy!....but youre not really. you should just be your real true disgruntled self." and i thought.. hrm. who's to say which is on the outside and which is on teh inside? i say i'm swirly. like the compromise choice of frozen yogurt at souplantation. the chocolate isn't on the inside with a coating of vanilla. it's all mixed in there pretty well. this must be why i can't keep friends. i think i leave a taste of the wrong flavor with too many people. tomorrow's question: why do the boys always go for the one wrong girl? back to my fishies. they love me.
wow im in sf. its really big. it feels safe in houses but not outside of them. im not use to big citys i feel like a lost little girl who needs no hold your hand to cross the street. rosie. im at jess house right now and im leaving to victors like friday or saterday (he's 1 and 1/2 house from sf) im not sure how its working out (could you come to his house???) anyhow i end this now I spent two hours in the middle of the night writing an e-mail to a friend, and I LOST it! (Before it was sent, obviously) Arggg, that makes me so mad! The mouse froze up and when it un-froze it...took away the message. Grrr. >:/ RH I am thoughtful. I am sad. I am suddenly relaxing after a week of frustration. (It's my weekend.) I want to make bread. I need to spend hours kneading dough and manifesting the steadiness and comfort that is home-made bread. I am not talking some cheap mealy B-grade loaf churned out by some poser bread machine. I mean the real bread which starts with a cup of hot water and several teaspoons of yeast, requires 20 minutes of hand-kneading, and has to rise a minimum of 3 times before you can finally, triumphantly, bake it in the oven.
I hope I keep geting as many job offers as this, when I have more time, or need money, maybe I should get some help, so I could get more work done faster... that would be nice, then I could work on larger projects for people too! yeah... as soon as I get my parents house done, I should find either a partner, or an aprentest, I wonder if Chris would be up for something like that... start a real bussniss, makeing stuff out of wood, with hand tools... yeah, I could go for that! now all I have to do, is find the time, for the rest of my projects.
at least right now, I have a little time for other projects, I almost have my bicycle done, I need to find a shifter that will work with my new wheel, and a cable for it, I think I have both of them in my drawer of bike parts.
I finished makeing my first stair steps, a week or so ago, and they are pretty nice. not quite perfect... but close... if you lay on the floor you can see where I messed up, and had to use 2 screws that you can see, from that spot on the floor.
so the last few days, I have been making trim for the part of the house that I am working on, witch is fun, finishing stuff that I made, and having it look pretty.
I've also been working on a few ideas, and playing with mangents, and trying to figur out how to make this one motor... dose anyone know some good books?
I'm still sick, 5 days after I first got this! :( Soresoresoresoresore f-ing sore. Emma, how the HELL do you stand a billion hours of ballet a day? I worship at your feet.
I am in beautiful Petaluma, CA, on the computer while Rosemary is at her Japenese class. I'm enjoying myself and my trip immensely, doing lots of thinking and learning and meaning-finding. Everything's all good, except I need a nap. If you want more details of my adventures, I've got a traveling livejournal, http://marinalives.livejournal.com or email me! Yup. It's kinda nice not having time to go on the computer a lot, really, but I still miss wiki and IRC and talking to alla you people every spare moment. i am biding my time. at work. making money for alphabetizing someone else's paper. i feel bad i've found out that someone ELSE is jealous of me for not being shy. i don't plan these things, i'm horrible but not that horrible. it's just that i am not shy. i can't be. don't know how. i like people, i am exuberant, and i'm not afraid to talk in groups. so on the surface, it looks like pure attention argh! otherwise, i am wonderful. eating good nachos. making money. going to friends houses every night. doing decent in school. going to transfer in the winter. going to spain in the fall. applying to quo vadis, because suddenly i realized that i am moving out in the winter and i need the support of "grown ups". life is moving on kiddies, life is moving on. the mountains in the distance all have snow, it's an amazingly clear day, and the one window i can look out of is freshly washed. mmhmm.
me today: <dustdustdust> "bleh, i feel really blecky." <dusts more> "bleh. i mean. bleh. i feel really blehish." <dusts more> <stops dusting> <runs to the bathroom> <comes out of the bathroom> "bleh. bleh. bleh. bleh." <picks up the duster> <puts the duster back down> "bleh. bleh." <gets on the computer> "bleh." <writes this> "bleh."
i don't know what to feel. -franny i'm sick. bla. What i need to do right now is not type up my drama homework or edit takeout menu guides or email anyone or call dan or josh or my grandfather. what i need to do is call myself jafe and draw little red ivy vines in permanent marker all over my soft white skin. Should I be alarmed? .... Thank you Universe. I got away with it that time. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. -Dawn who is going to sleep WELL tonight NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1789 times, last edited on April 6, 2002 by fiona@nbtsc.org. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
lovez, 
